Secret Struggle

on the outside she looks so happy
she smiles and laughs

on the inside a sadness so great persists
a war within her mind rages

she looks in the mirror at her shrinking body
her mind fears fat that isn't there

she weighs herself and the number is low again
she should be happy she reached her goal

but on the inside she is saddened she knows she could die
the number is high and her heart races, her mind tells her a different story

scared of herself but not scared enough to tell
she is ashamed of herself for she can't control it.

her mind is against her, her body is frail
she can't seem to live her life without that scale

Trapped In Misery

I see my bones
yet I look in the mirror
bones aren't what I see

I see this child desperate to be free
she wants so much to love herself
she wants to feel happy

the mirror shows her lies
she tries so hard to ignore them
yet they are strong

she tries to make herself eat
she knows she is to thin
however that little voice seems to always win

"don't eat that"
"fatty"
"ugly girl"
"disgusting child"

those are the words that sting me most
those are the words that come from my own thought
I hate my body and my body hates me.

why can't i just be free from this prison inside me.
I feel so ashamed that I trapped myself within this life of misery.
I tried to break free but always fail to see the beauty within me.