Evil

Evil hides behind the trees
Evil creeps behind the bushes

It instills fear into those most vulnerable
Evil wears an undetected mask

It can be anyone
A friend, A family member, anyone

I've seen evil
I've lived with evil

Touched by evil
I survived that evil


That evil will not beat me

Teddy Bear

Teddy Bear your always there
I hold you tight.. You never fight

Teddy Bear you hear my cries
You've heard the lies..

Teddy Bear your always there
When I need a friend

Teddy bear you see my tears
You see my fears

You will always be my friend
All the way to the end

Even when I grow up tall
You have been there through it all

Picture of a Monster

I found this picture of my grandpa holding me. My earliest memory of him touching me was when i was 11 but looking at this picture it makes me wonder if he started earlier and i just can't remember... It hurts enough just knowing that it happened when i was 11 that it occured until i was 18 or so. It makes me sick to think that I let it go so long I finally wised up and stopped going to see him and my grandma but at a cost... I missed the last 4 months of my grandma's life shortly after making excuses as to why I couldn't come up there my grandma died of a heart attack.

I regreti t sooo much that I stopped going up there because I didn't get to spend that time with her and I loved her so much and I hate to admit it but I would of taken more abuse from him just to have been able to see her again. what kind of person does that make me be? I hated what he did to me so much. he tore me down, broke my spirit, caused so much pain within me and e doesn't even realize it. He is the reason I didn't get to see my grandma. I wish so very much she was still here I would explain to her why it is I didn't go up there.

I've tried so hard to forgive myself for the time I missed with her but I can't... I know its not my fault for what he caused to occr between us. I know I shouldn't feel quilt for stopping the abuse but I do feel quilt that I didn't tell my grandma because if I had i may of gotten to see her the last 4 months of her life... I can't forgive myself because after her death I felt sorry for the bastard because he was alone in that house so i decided to go back... that was a dumb mistake at that time I was 18 years old and thught maybe he has changed but I was wrong her death only made him worse. I was alone with him more then. this is were the major guilt comes in because I chose to go back. therefore i chose for him to continue to abuse me a part of me new it would continue... I don't understand so many things about him and why he hurt me I just wish i would of been strong enugh to tell someone about it. I miss my grandma soo very much and I am very sorry grandma that I lied to you about not being able to come see you. please forgive me.

Smiles A Lie

I go about my day with a smile on my face
but that smiles a lie because inside I feel like I've died

I go about my day trying to forget the pain
but I can't seem to get relief

I go to sleep with hopes a freedom
yet you invade my dreams

I wake up in tears because of what you did
this I can never forgive.

I was in the Courier

My Art

Numbers

She weighed herself 5 times today
never satisfied with what those numbers say

She looked in the mirror today
never satisfied with what it shows

She decides not to eat today
satisfied with the hunger pains

What Darkness Brings

What Darkness Brings

A little girl scared to sleep
Frightened of what the darkness brings
All alone in her room

She tries to escape the fear
Hiding under tables in the kitchen
Sleeping in jeans and turtle necks

Afraid of the dark she sleeps in the light
Holding tightly to her doll
She cries herself to sleep

Trying not to dream
Overwhelming fear
Falls many tears

Finally asleep but not for long
Awaken by intrusion
To scared to scream

She lays there quietly
Silently screaming in her head
Just waiting for it all to end

Silence

Laying there in my bed
Just waiting for night to end

Wondering if I matter
If anyone even cares

Whether I live or whether I die
Does anyone see the tears that fall from my eyes

I walk alone in silence
I sleep wrapped in fear

Trapped with a secret one so big
It swollows you whole

Wishing someone could know
Only now I can see that I never mattered

No one cared to see
The real me behind that smile

To them I was fine
Underneath I was not

A pain so great hidden there
A pain so heavy I became scared

Afried of all things trusting nothing
Not even myself

Holding on to my secret
Waiting to be free

Someone please see...

Pain That Binds

A sea of pain
Leaves a trail of misery

She walks alone all the time
Wondering whether life with ever shine

Darkness consumes her
Fear overpowers her

She wonders if she will ever be free
From the pain that binds her

Dirty Girls Don't Cry

Dirty girls don't cry
Wipe away those tears from your eyes

Hide away in your room
It has become your tomb

Hidden in silence afraid to speak
Tears fall in secret

Dirty girls don't cry
So wipe those tears from your eyes

Breaking free is only a dream
Trapped in fear is my fate

Nobody Came

Little girl with curly hair
Little girl cries many tears
Yet nobody hears

Little girl in her bed
Little girl with so much dread
Silent screams fill her head

Pinned down on the bed
Sounds of heavy breathing
Frightened beyond belief

She lay there waiting for it to end
Praying for help that never came
Nothing will ever be the same

In One Night

A small child once vibrant and whole

In one night her spirit you stole

That vibrant child became a hollow shell

You killed her spirit and caused her tears

Instead of love you gave her fear

Her innocence is gone and in its place you left her empty

In one night you killed who she could have been.