It Hurts

I looked in the mirror today
the girl I saw was ugly and frail

later that day I looked in that same mirror
this time I wasn't frail at all but fat…

I walked away from that mirror
to the scale I weigh constantly 5 times a day.

I go to eat and calories I must count
food I must not eat

weighing in my mind is so much grief
knowing my bones show and hairs falling out,

I still continue this dangerous route
can't escape the overbearing fear of fat

so lost in thought, so lost in pain
can't seem to save me from me

if only others would see
the pain and fear I carry with me

it hurts to live this life
to eat and be happy

to constantly pretend that all is ok
it hurts to simply be me….. if only I could be free.